You Might Be a Deer Hunter….

Are you the real deal or just some TV watching couch potato deer hunting wanna-be who thinks camo is trendy? 

You know your a deer hunter if…

If you ever paid more for a rifle scope than you spouse’s wedding ring.

If you’re kneeling beside a 10 point buck…in your drivers license photo.

If your job has nothing to do with hunting but you have a picture of a deer on your business card.

If your personal license plate is BUCKGUY, DEERMAN, 10 POINT or some configuration.

If you own at least one pair of blaze orange boxers.

If you have no idea where the meat dept. of your local super market it.

If you think Fred Bear’s likeness should be carved into Mount Rushmore.

If you send your aunt Millie (who is the local president of the PETA chapter) a package of deer liver each Christmas…by third class mail.

If you wear blaze orange or camo to the office on casual Fridays.

If you leap to your feet when Bambi’s mom gets shot and yell “she had it coming!”

If your video library consists of Monster Bucks volumes I-V.

If your kids says Santa’s reindeer on up on the roof and you grab your gun or bow.

If your bumper sticker says “my kid shot a buck while your honor student was in school.”

If you think 4:30 a.m is a perfect time to get up.

If you take all your vacation and sick days during deer season.

If you send Christmas cards with pictures of deer on them to all your non-hunting friends (if you have any).

If you own eight coffee cups, six sets of cocktail glasses, a ball point pen, a pocket knife, thermometer, clock, 10 t-shirts, four pair of under shorts, 25 baseball caps, four belt buckles, a deck of playing cards, a waste basket and mouse pad all with pictures of deer on them.

Last but not least…If you name your first born “buck” even if it was a girl.

By Bruce Cochran

So the next time your confronted by that deer hunting braggart who likes to let the world know how serious he/she is about deer hunting….ask him/her if they have ever missed opening day of deer season.  When they smile with a sneer and say “well I missed the first four hours of opening day about 20 years ago due to open heart surgery”….laugh in his face as he is an imposter, a phony, a latte-sipping, volvo driving, FM radio-listening, quiche-eating civilian.  definitely not a real deer hunter like you and me.

So the next time  your confronted by that deer

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